How to Win Friends and Influence People

by Dale Carnegie

  
 


A = Must Read

B = Put it on Your List

C = Underwhelming

D = Not Even Summer Reading

F = I'm Sorry I Read it

  
       

 

 

      
In preparation for our leadership seminar in Tarrytown, last month, we asked attendees to let us know what they would like to learn at the seminar. “How do I motivate people?” was the most popular topic and, in fact is a subject of reflection and study for every leader.

In discussions with our clients, we are increasingly aware that many scientific and technical folks are being placed in leadership positions for the first time with little or no training.

How to Win Friends and Influence People is a great place to start. Although its title provokes images of snake oil salesmen, or Chris Farley’s Saturday Night Live bit as Matt Foley, motivational speaker, the book is filled with timeless instruction written in plain language. For example, in his chapter on listening skills, Carnegie explains why listening is so important:

“Remember that the people you are talking to are 100 times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. Remember that a person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people.”

Although the book was originally penned in 1936, it has been updated over the years. Its popularity has not diminished over the years. It contains thirty principles of human behavior that are illustrated with copious examples. Quotations and anecdotes are included from scores of historical figures including Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Sigmund Freud, Charles Schwab, and Confucius. My top ten principles are as follows:

• Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
• Give honest and sincere appreciation.
• Become genuinely interested in other people.
• If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
• Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
• Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
• Dramatize your ideas.
• Let the other person save face.
• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
• Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

If you can get past the title, I highly recommend How to Win Friends and Influence People as guidebook for motivating people.

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